3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
