My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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