dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
