Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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