is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
