Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
