You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I could fuck to npr.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
