Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
