I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
