i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
