In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
