I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
