If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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