Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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