I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
