and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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