to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
