Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
