i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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