a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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