shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
