So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
