My balls are so social today.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
