from now on my penis is your penis
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
