I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
