we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
