Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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