you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
