Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
