So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had sex on a roof
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
