im six kinds of drunk right now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
