your thong is hanging out like whoa
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
