Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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