My first STD was from a foam party
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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