today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
