I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
worst night to have a conscience
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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