I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Houston, we have a blender
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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