Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
