Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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