No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
