So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
