i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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