I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
