i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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