i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
