my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize