Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
