did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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