So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
