Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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