I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, beer. Big fan.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
