i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
