would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
