the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
