Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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