He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
