that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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