I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
