She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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