I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
