I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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