Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
