is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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