you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
look no pants
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
