I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
