every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
