Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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