Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
