I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm both gender and math confused
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
