Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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